Holidays

I'm one of those people who doesn't hate the holidays but I have a very hard time "getting into" them and when they are over, no matter how hard I try or how much I spend, I get a little depressed thinking they didn't get enough and they're disappointed, etc.

Now, I know first of all this isn't true and second that it really doesn't matter because that's not what the holidays are about anyway...but still...those thoughts come to me.

So today, I'm a little sad and missing my boys and...just...blah...

I need to change that line of thinking.  It's so hard though...

I need to focus on the great times we had, the smiles on everyone's faces, the love surrounding us all. 

I can focus on the beautiful necklace J got me for Christmas (the first time he's ever bought me jewelry...).  It's gorgeous with white gold and blue diamonds.

I can focus on the fact that my boys got everything they asked for and genuinely enjoyed the gifts.

I can focus on the DELICIOUS meals we shared.

I can focus...mostly...on all the love that filled this house.

I will change this.  I will learn to love the holidays for what they should be loved for and not for whether or not people got enough stuff or the house is decorated nicely enough.

I can and I will.

What about you?  Does anyone else get a sort of holiday depression...or is that just me?

Much Love,
Mercedes

French Onion Soup!

I know I don't generally post pictures of my cooking, but today I made the most delicious french onion soup and I just had to share!

It tasted as good as it looks!

Yummy!!!

Much Love,
Mercedes

Travels!!

WOW!!!

It has been a long time since I was here!

J and I have been traveling all over and having a wonderful time doing so.  My favorite place was Belize.  San Pedro was amazing.  Laid back and peaceful.  The food was wonderful...the music so, I don't know, Island I guess...the fresh juices and break...everything was better than I ever expected.

We met so many really cool people and just relaxed and enjoyed. 

There was also Canada.  Again...a FANTASTIC get away!  We had the BEST time!

We've also gone to Florida, New Mexico, Colorado, Nebraska, Dallas and have been staying lots of weekends in a rental home at the lake (a very beautiful rental home)!  Really amazing times!

We're working on getting our "Zen" on.  The house is completely re-done and everything is so lovely and peaceful.  I'm working on my meditation instructor certification as well.  I've been meditating for years, but this is really helping me get to a good place.

I've been experimenting wtih some new cooking techniques.  Making Thai, Brazilian, Chinese, African and Jamaican food served with a good red wine and nice jazz music.

Everything is so lovely in my life.  I miss blogging...I also struggle finding the time and have been putting it off to do other things.  That's all okay for now, but...I do want to get back into writing.  It's important and it's time.

I miss you all and hope your summer is amazing and your lives are blessed.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Good Friends, Good Food - Good Times

J and I had a party last night with good friends, good food and yummy drinks.  It was so much fun!  I made a traditional Brazilian dinner for everyone (it was a total hit...even with our Brazilian friends - which makes it so much better when you have their blessing.  lol).

We had candles lit all over the house to make for a very peaceful interior.

Outside we had tiki torches, a fire pit, hanging lights and lots of candles.  It was so beautiful!

Music was Brazilian Jazz for the most part.

Laughter, conversation, talks of old times, talks of times to come...

It was wonderful!

How was your St. Patrick's Day?  Fun?  I sure hope so!

Blessings to all!

Much Love,
Mercedes

Searching for Peace at Work

Most of the time I love my job but lately, I've been feeling very unsettled there.  I'm not really sure what it is, but I think I've had too much of the chaos of corporate life.  I want to feel peace and I'm certainly not feeling it there.

I have a dream to have a career that revolves around peace and softness.  Something where I have plenty of time to meditate and contemplate life and love.

I want to write.  I would love to have a job that brings in steady cash but at the same time allows me the freedom to write whatever I want to write. 

If money were no object, I know just what I would do.  But...*sigh*...it is an object.  Quite a bit one.

They say people who start their own businesses are fearless and must be able to take chances.  I take chances all the time and nothing much scares me.  Except...not having money.  I am terrified of losing everything or not being able to pay my bills.  Terrified of it.  I have to have steady money coming in.  Anything else, I'll risk it all.  Not having money...I just can't.

I think I believe in myself, but I also know myself.  I know that I've started LOTS of projects and once I got bored with them, I'm on to other things.  I'm unwilling to risk my income if I were to even potentially get bored and abandon my new found peaceful job.  What if I missed the corporate world someday?  What if I couldn't think of anything to write?  What if...???

Has anyone out there ever taken a chance on something they love to do?  Given up everything you really know to start a whole new career without knowing if you could even make any money at it?  Were you scared to death?  Did it work out?

What advice do you have for me?  What would you do?  Start saving now for a downpayment on the startup loan and take a huge risk?  Or...keep doing what I do and hope for a trip to the top of the corporate ladder?

I just don't feel settled and good until I get home at night and when I do, I usually have a screaming headache because of all the stress.  And the problem is...I'm really good at what I do.  Really good at it and it's beginning to pay off well financially.

Ugh!

Much Love,
Mercedes

So, So Sleepy...

I'm so incredibly sleepy today!

Part of it is probably the time change and part of it is the fact that J and I went out last night until much later than expected...then came home and shared a bottle of wine in the hot tub.

But...I also slept til noon today, did a little (very little) shopping and have spent the rest of the day lazing around the house.

Still, my body is asking me to sleep...just sleep for a very long time!

I wish I could take a week's vacation and just sleep and rest my body and my mind but I can't so I'll wake up tomorrow...really early.  I will not hit the snooze button (gave that up for lent), I will exercise vigorously, I will meditate and pray and I will give it my all at work.  Because that's what I do.  And I will hope my sleepy self will feel much more invigoraged than it does today.

Because today...I am sleepy.

Much Love (and rest) to all,
Mercedes

Choosing Happiness

Happiness is something we can decide on ahead of time. Whether we like something in our lives or not doesn’t depend on how it looks or what it costs or who gave it to us or even how we feel about it when we look at it…it depends on how we have arranged it in our minds…and that arrangement can be made first thing in the morning. Our perception can be determined in advance. If you already decide to love everything that you have and everything that will come your way today, you are one step ahead of the game.


Each morning when I pray and meditate, I decide to have a wonderful day. Everything that is thrown at me obviously isn’t wonderful but, I make up my mind to greet it that way. It’s not about what happens to me, it’s about my attitude toward all that happens to me.

I can’t determine how others will treat me. I CAN determine my reaction to it.

I can’t be the one to decide I will have no enemies. I CAN decide to think of those enemies as tools to help me practice patience and tolerance.

As I get older, I can choose to stay in bed all day and complain about how horrible it is to have a body with parts that don’t always work anymore OR I can get out of bed, thankful for those that DO still work.

I can be jealous when I see another woman flirt with J OR I can smile and think about how wonderful it is to have an attractive man for a partner.

I can be hurt when someone lies about me OR I can develop compassion for them and pray that whatever is hurting in them and making them want to hurt me is healed soon.

I can be frustrated with the economy OR I can be grateful I have a job to go to each day.

I can want a better car or house or larger bank account or whatever…OR I can be grateful for all that is mine.

Happiness is something we decide on ahead of time.

My morning meditation time is dedicated to deciding I’m going to be happy today.

And it works!

Much Love,

Mercedes

Focusing on the Inside

As humans, we spend so much time looking at the outside and I wonder, how much time do we really spend on the inside?  Inside of ourselves...finding ourselves...knowing ourselves.

I say a lot that I know who I am, but DO I really?

As any 15, 20, 25, 30 year old and they'll all tell you the same thing.  "I know exactly who I am."

But do they?

I wonder if we even can.  I mean, I know my core self.  I know what I stand for and what I believe in.  I know what I love and what irritates me and what I won't stand for.

But as I grow and change and mature, will that all grow and change and mature with me?  I think it will.  I think if I always stay a work in progress, I will never really know me.

And I honestly hope to always stay a work in progress.

I've been making the most of my meditation room and I'm certainly growing in the aspect of introspection and opening my mind and heart.  I'm really loving how it makes me feel (even though I do get frustrated because unfortunately I have a goal with all of this and the Aries in me wants instant gratification).

Just sitting...clearing my mind...letting my thoughts go...none of that is easy for me, but it feels so good I think it's what I needed.  I'm becomming fascinated with the whole thing.

I'm even considering getting certified as a meditation instructor.  I don't know that I would ever really teach it, but I do think I would study harder and work consistently and really put my all into it if I were going for a certification.  Also, the thought of having more than just the books I choose on Amazon to guide me would be nice...and proably helpful!

I don't know...something I'm considering.

What do you think? Is it worth the certification if I"m not going to use it to make a living?  Is it worth trying to make a living doing it if it is something I love?

Am I analyzing too much?

I think I need to meditate on this!

Much Love,
Mercedes

New Meditation Room!!!

So...J and I have been working really hard on really turning our house into a home.  We had every room painted and we've been busy decorating and designing and...buying...buying...buying.  And best of all, we've been throwing out things we no longer need or use...LOTS of things.

The space feels so open and beautiful right now.  Incredibly peaceful.

In the meantime, I've been studying Zen meditation and specifically zazen meditation.  When I study something, I also talk about it so J has sort of gotten into it with me.

We've been counting our breaths together and meditating together and discovering zazen together and I LOVE it.

In the process of getting rid of all our junk, we completely changed what used to be the lounge (and what was the dining room when the previous owners had the house) and we turned it into a meditation room!

Soon it will also have workout equipment but since we don't want to destroy the beauty of it with a giant eliptical machine or treadmill, today we're going out to buy two Asian screen room dividers.  This way, the equipment can hide behind those when they're not being used.

In addition, J is going to mount a wi-fi television on one wall for playing music and videos with nature sounds or smooth jazz or any kind of soft peaceful tones to it.  We opted for a television instead of a music system because when the kids are all here, they do like being able to watch in other rooms so we thought it would be good to have one more.  As for us...we'll never watch it.  LOL

So...want to see some pictures?  This is absolutely my favorite room (outside of the bedroom, of course) in the house.  I simply LOVE it!

So..what do you think?  I'm open to suggestions and designing tips!

Much Love,
Mercedes

Looking for Our Passion

I need to get my life in order. I don't know if it's the whole "New Years Resolution" thing or what but I feel a litle lost right now. Like something is missing. A passion. A passion I can share with my love.

I was talking (emailing) with a dear friend recently and I mentioned how I start a lot of things and then let them go. I think I keep starting and stopping because I'm looking for my passion...something to excite me or make me proud of myself or...I don't know.

I don't usually find it hard to put into words what I'm thinking but today I certainly am.

J and I are doing well, but we both feel like it's time to settle down. We'll still travel a lot (have a trip planned out of the country in April and want to travel internationally about once a year) but we're on the go all the time and we want to relax a bit. Like spend Friday nights looking for new furniture or other items for the house and yard insead of meeting the same people at the same bar to talk about the same things...over and over and over...

The problem is, outside of shopping for things to create a whole new look in the house (and I do mean whole new look...we have painters here all week re-painting every room in the house and putting in a new kitchen island and new cabinet doors), we don't know what we want to do.

We don't watch tv and even movies are getting old.

We don't mind staying home but...it just feels like we want to DO something...just not sure what.

I have lots of projects started that I could pick back up (learning to speak Portuguese, knitting, writing on this blog, reading and commenting on other blogs, writing short stories in the hopes of one day being published, etc, etc, etc) but those are things for ME, not for US.

J wants to learn to play the guitar (I bought him one for Christmas so he's all ready) and he has video games he likes to play and he has certain things online that he enjoys as well. But that's HIM, not US.

So...we're a bit stuck.

We'll enjoy the redecorating for now...and we'll work on the yard too (saw some wonderful patio furniture the other day)...and maybe get another dog (ours needs a friend and we're almost ready to take on the poop and teething and training to behave and picking everything up so it doesn't get chewed on again)...and maybe something will come to us.

We both hate the thought of being in different rooms all night while I learn a new language and he plays video games so I know we'll come up with something.

This feeling of being in a fit of chaos and wanting to move on to another level...a more peaceful one with fewer outside influences...and not knowing how to do it is a bit odd for me.

We'll still enjoy our normal stuff together like jigsaw puzzles, discussing the latest book we're reading, tasting new wine and cheese combinations that we put together ourselves, watching movies while cuddled up in each other's arms on the couch, doing crossword puzzles or sudoku outside on the patio, going to dinner in new restaurants, going to dinner in our old favorites restaurants, dancing in the kitchen, going to the gym and making each other laugh...

We just want more...something new...something calm yet fun...something that makes us feel a little more like a family and a little less like a dating couple. Something we can share.

Thoughts? Ideas? Anyone still reading this?

Much Love,
Mercedes