I was talking (emailing) with a dear friend recently and I mentioned how I start a lot of things and then let them go. I think I keep starting and stopping because I'm looking for my passion...something to excite me or make me proud of myself or...I don't know.
I don't usually find it hard to put into words what I'm thinking but today I certainly am.
J and I are doing well, but we both feel like it's time to settle down. We'll still travel a lot (have a trip planned out of the country in April and want to travel internationally about once a year) but we're on the go all the time and we want to relax a bit. Like spend Friday nights looking for new furniture or other items for the house and yard insead of meeting the same people at the same bar to talk about the same things...over and over and over...
The problem is, outside of shopping for things to create a whole new look in the house (and I do mean whole new look...we have painters here all week re-painting every room in the house and putting in a new kitchen island and new cabinet doors), we don't know what we want to do.
We don't watch tv and even movies are getting old.
We don't mind staying home but...it just feels like we want to DO something...just not sure what.
I have lots of projects started that I could pick back up (learning to speak Portuguese, knitting, writing on this blog, reading and commenting on other blogs, writing short stories in the hopes of one day being published, etc, etc, etc) but those are things for ME, not for US.
J wants to learn to play the guitar (I bought him one for Christmas so he's all ready) and he has video games he likes to play and he has certain things online that he enjoys as well. But that's HIM, not US.
So...we're a bit stuck.
We'll enjoy the redecorating for now...and we'll work on the yard too (saw some wonderful patio furniture the other day)...and maybe get another dog (ours needs a friend and we're almost ready to take on the poop and teething and training to behave and picking everything up so it doesn't get chewed on again)...and maybe something will come to us.
We both hate the thought of being in different rooms all night while I learn a new language and he plays video games so I know we'll come up with something.
This feeling of being in a fit of chaos and wanting to move on to another level...a more peaceful one with fewer outside influences...and not knowing how to do it is a bit odd for me.
We'll still enjoy our normal stuff together like jigsaw puzzles, discussing the latest book we're reading, tasting new wine and cheese combinations that we put together ourselves, watching movies while cuddled up in each other's arms on the couch, doing crossword puzzles or sudoku outside on the patio, going to dinner in new restaurants, going to dinner in our old favorites restaurants, dancing in the kitchen, going to the gym and making each other laugh...
We just want more...something new...something calm yet fun...something that makes us feel a little more like a family and a little less like a dating couple. Something we can share.
Thoughts? Ideas? Anyone still reading this?
Much Love,
Mercedes
